In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Victory.”
I needed to make sure there was less distraction in my home so that I may focus on myself. I had a couple of friends that were staying with me intermittently. I got rid of one of them at a high cost but rather quickly. The other took six months to remove, but at the expense irritation and frustrations that have built up. I am finally free!
The one that took the longest, I think, misunderstood the reason for him leaving. I needed to work on my issues and the side effects of my issues, but with no distractions. I allowed myself to be distracted with helping friends and not trying to hurt their feelings. The longer it took for him to leave, the harder it was going to be to hang out with him under different circumstances. I wanted outside of the home interactions with him, but now I can’t handle that anymore. It is my fault for letting it drag on so long which may me go pass my tolerance level.
I felt like my apartment was taken over by someone else and that I could only suggest things to happen here. I know, again, it was my fault for allowing it, but I became more and more vulnerable to manipulation. Even though I let myself be manipulated, I was so afraid to hurt his feelings. I also had cut out the outside activities with him due to mass interaction in my place.
I hadn’t seen him for awhile and wanted to know if he was doing ok. I invited him over one night and it turned into a month. I then started splitting the weeks so that I could have me time. I think he believed there were other men or something else going on other than what I told him. I joined a bill with him and he felt, for some reason, that I was trying to get over on him. I showed the bill and verified his agreement, but he did not agree. We agreed on a time for him to get his things and he was supposed to pay me, unfortunately, has not contacted me since. At least, my connections with him are now over.
Now I have disconnected myself mostly from him. I need to try to find me again because I am confused at what I am doing, how I want to look, where I want to go, and so on. I am going to start with cleaning my place the way I want then decorations. Then focus on what I am doing with my life, work or play. Finally, I will focus on what I want to look like to make me happy. I know this sounds crazy, but I let too many people detour me from my goals and aspirations by trying their ways which made me lose track of me. I am excited about this journey, even though I have started late in life.